I never understood how she could love someone who walked away. He didn't deserve that special treatment of unending love. By golly, if my husband ever left me I'd kick his butt to the curb so fast his head would spin. I'd slam that door shut, throw the deadbolt and change the locks. He'd better think twice about ever even considering that option. I went so far as to tell my husband my feeling on this.
Jump ahead three years and now those words have come back to haunt me. Now my husband is emotionally shut down. He has no feelings what so ever towards me, or so he says. Boy, did that hurt. And I can't help but wonder if my proclamations of three years ago have something to do with it.
Instead of him feeling free to tell me what was wrong, he ran away. He couldn't trust me to love him through this struggle. And I did it with my own cold heart and stubborn words. It makes me sad. And I hurt. For him, for me, for my kids.
Now I know how she could choose love over hate. It is the only choice I have. I love him. Even though he's hurt me so badly. Because I hurt him too. And I have compassion for him. I have compassion for my cousin. Now I know. And I forgive him for hurting me and I hope one day, he'll forgive me too.
Compassion, forgiveness, and love, the three greatest gifts we were ever given.
Now I know. And I am so thankful for this knowledge.
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